Pattie Parsnips' Soul Stew She's The Root of Inspiration. Feeding you all that is good for your heart and soul.

Many of us will stay in our safe environments to avoid fear and worry. When you back off from experiencing something challenging – it will temporarily relieve the anxiety and discomfort. However, I want you to seriously consider the price you pay when you back away from life’s challenges. Not only will it impact your self-esteem and confidence – you will feel a sense of powerlessness, frustration and unfulfillment. You sabotage your chance at change, success and happiness. To be brutally honest – if you don’t allow yourself to step outside your comfort zone, you pretty well guarantee yourself an uneventful and mundane life. Is this a price worth paying for the temporary escape from fear and anxiety? Unfortunately, most of us are far too willing to pay this dear price, simply to avoid discomfort and possible ridicule from others.

One step at a time..

In all honestly, Life does not reward those who refuse to expose themselves to difficulty. The degree of accomplishment you attain in your life is related to your willingness to be uncomfortable and take risks. In order to succeed in anything (work or personal), you have to take action despite fear. Most people focus on the possibility of the negative outcome such as failure, ridicule or rejection. When you should focus on a positive outcome. When you adopt a different outlook when confronting an anxiety-producing situation you allow yourself to grow into a more confident person.

Every one of us has our own non-threatening comfort zone. These barriers are familiar routines and part of everyday life. When faced with any activities and situations outside of the safe barrier – we experience anxiety and become uncomfortable. We tend to make excuses and in the end, avoid the challenge.

As we know from past experience, the fear and anxiety that we build up before a new challenge is usually greatly exaggerated. When we do the feared activity, we learn that it is not as frightening or difficult as we had expected. We tend to go through life doing what is most comfortable for us and what feels safe – but how many opportunities are we letting slip by because we do not want to feel uncomfortable? We are unwilling to step out and take the risk in order to achieve our dreams.

When you push through temporary fear and anxiety by taking action in one area of your life, you will develop additional confidence in other areas. I encourage you to face your fears – step out and do something different today.

A few nights ago I found myself watching the Walton’s.   John (daddy) Walton was avoiding his upcoming 25-year high school reunion.  He reluctantly agreed to help out – rounding up the “not so easy to find” mountain men who were also avoiding the reunion.  It wasn’t said, but it was obvious that John and the other country boys were feeling a bit  “less then” because they chose to stay on the mountain, living their simple lives while the more ambitious classmates ran after success.  

Throughout the show, each classmate revealed his or her true colors.  One guy who competed against John in everything during their school years became a very successful politician/businessman and eventually showed to be a very lonely and unhappy man.   John’s childhood crush moved away and married rich….four different times and was on the search for her fifth husband, while trying to make sense of where she went wrong with her spoiled grown children who had no direction in life.  Another classmate who also did well financially, constantly fought with his wife as his unruly kids terrorized the Walton kids.  Each classmate showed that their lives certainly weren’t picture perfect outside Walton’s mountain. 

At the end of the reunion, everyone was sitting around the dinner table reminiscing about the good ole days and when it came time to name “who was most likely to succeed?”..it was John Walton.  The rich guy paid homage to John in saying that he had what all of them were chasing after: integrity, character, living life on his own terms, having a zest for life, sense of adventure, peace, joy, is generous, loves his family and is a a good father/ husband/son.  They all agreed that John was truly living an authentic and successful life. 

Sure, the Walton series is from the 70’s and based around the 1930’s depression, but the message is timeless and that is that we all have a different perception of what success is.  So how do any of us answer the age old question: What is the true meaning of success? 

Success comes in many forms and many definitions. It all comes down to what you are searching for in life. Often people identify success with having a lot of money, achieving fame, having a good career, raising a family, owning your own home, possessing all the things you ever wanted. But countless people have achieved these goals only to find themselves feeling unhappy inside more often than they thought possible. They wonder if there is supposed to be more to life than all those things, or if they just missed a secret somewhere along the way.

My two cents worth:

To me, true success is something that comes from within. It’s about loving what you do and feeling at peace with yourself.  Being true to yourself and not being afraid to express yourself in everything that you do.  It’s about being successful in your own way.

In the end, if you enjoy what you do and have inner peace, you will be happy and success will follow.

There are and will be days when things don’t go the way we hope they would.  Those are the times when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down.  Those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgment – to keep your life focus in believing in yourself and all that you are capable of.

There will always be challenges to face and changes to make in your life and it is up to you to accept them. Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you.  It may not be easy at times but in those times of struggles you will find a stronger sense of who you are and you will also see yourself developing into the person you always wanted to be.

We are surrounded by people who go through life thinking they can’t do and be what they only dream about.   They fail to stay true to their ambitions and give up on their dreams as soon as they encounter an obstacle.  They do not believe in themselves.

Believing in yourself is being sure that you are going to do whatever you put your mind to – even if others don’t support you.  Usually, when you make the decision to take on a big challenge or do something they fail to do – you find these same people will try to talk you out of it or say that you are just wasting your time.  This should be all the more reason you need to remain focussed and believe it will happen, and then work to make it so.

When you believe in yourself – people around you will be forced to take notice and will also believe in you.

Tips To Help You To Believe In You…

Focus on the positive: Make a list of your best qualities. Keep them on your computer or in a notebook for handy reference. Knowing your own worth as a person will keep you balanced when things are falling apart around you.

Don’t give up, and don’t give in: Keep your dreams alive. Life is unpredictable and full of twists and turns. Fear of the unknown often causes us to halt our progress just when we are on the pinnacle of success.

We are all good at something:  Identify your strenghts.  List all the things you are good at doing and those things that come easily to you.  Take pride of the things at which you excelled.

Above all don’t give up on yourself: The future lies open before you and it is up to you to make the best of it.  Allow yourself to ponder the possibility of the limitless joys and exciting adventures that may yet await you.

It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not. – Unknown.

Change is inevitable – at home, at work, and in the world.  People and organizations are constantly evolving and changing.  No one can stop change, as it is the only constant in life.  If you want to be happy or improve your life in one-way or another, don’t expect things to radically change unless you do something about it.

Fear of the unknown…

The fear of the unknown is what stops most people from ever making positive changes in their lives. This great fear of the unknown causes people not to take chances and to stay in situations where they’re not very happy. As soon as people think about change they start playing the “what if” game – What if I make a mistake?  What if it’s worse than what I have now?  What if I fail?

The worst part about being afraid of change is that you can end up settling for whatever happens – it seems less scary that way.  This is a far more frightening way to live because you don’t have the feeling of being in control of what happens to you and you live in fear of what might happen. Having the confidence to take action in the face of fear not only provides you with a sense of control – it will also provide you with a life full of purpose and joy.

Shake things up…

To change your life for the better, you have to “shake things up”. Do things differently and adopt a new mindset – be a different person.  By putting yourself in new situations you can stretch yourself in ways you never thought you could. You may discover talents you never knew you had or meet someone whose interests are different than yours. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and try new things.

So be brave, take risks and look at change not as a threat to your current situation, but as an opportunity to learn and grow.  When you accept and embrace change, it will give you a new perspective in life and allows you to see things in a different way. Change gives you hope and can be the very thing that you need to revitalize your life.

You don’t actually have to “conquer” fear. You just have to master it….

No more unrealistic, over the top, one BIG fat resolution for me this year.  It’s the year of  the “itsy bitsy’s” – setting small and aiming high.

I’m starting the year off by slowly integrating healthy eating habits back into my lifestyle, set out to find the perfect workout program that will kick-start my mojo, which has been lagging the last year.  Other little goals I plan to tackle: be more patient when things don’t work out as planned, commit to my promise of cooking a meal once a week (I guess my hubby does deserve a night off).  As days, weeks and months unfold, there will be lots more teeny weeny meaningful goals that will be added to my list of everyday simple changes that make a difference. 

It’s all about setting small achievable goals instead of one big “all or nothing” resolution that ends being a flop within the first few weeks of the New Year.

Small steps to big rewards…

Why is it that every year we make one big resolution on the first day of the year and try to convince ourselves that we can hold on and not break this one goal for the next 364 days?  We often forget that it’s the little changes that make the biggest impact.

Having one big goal in mind is great but it quickly becomes demotivating if it takes too long to get there.  By setting small achievable goals, it helps build a sense of accomplishment and provide incentive to keep moving in the right direction so it will be easier to claim the big prize.

This year make your goal setting easy and simple.  Instead of making that one big goal that you know will crumble within a few weeks, set up small goals that you can quickly and easily achieve.  Here are some samples: promise yourself that you’ll make an effort to become more health conscious, organize or redecorate that room in your house that you keep putting off or get the courage to go back to school to take those courses that will help you get that promotion you’ve been wanting.

By setting small goals this New Year your chances of success are much higher than having one large goal. Not only will you be able to measure how you’re doing, you can use the goals as a means to know where you are on the journey. 

Lets make 2011 the year of taking healthy and realisic baby steps to a better you.

The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you. – unknown-

Every year at Christmas time I make a conscious effort to trim a little bit extra from my yuletide consumerism. To me, Christmas is about spending time with loved ones, celebrating the Holy Season and giving to those who are in need.  I like to think of it as taking an holistic approach to the Christmas season –spending less and giving more.

Less is more…

Often times our joy gets lost in consumerism this time of year as it often overshadows the true meaning of Christmas.  So are you ready to take Christmas back?  Would you like to return the joy this holiday season by spending less and giving more?  Then why not give the gift of your time.  Time is the real gift that Christmas offers us and no matter how hard we look it can’t be found at the mall.

Christmas is a time of giving and most of us get in the charitable mood around the holidays.  Many organizations in your community are just as happy to have you help out.  So instead of writing a check out to your favorite charity or a church, why not consider donating your time instead.

Whether or not you have a lot of money or material possessions, its important to be a generous person with your time.  Look for ways to give the gift of your time: a church, charitable organization, soup kitchen or a nursing home.

This time of year is also great way to introduce your kids or grandkids to the great world of volunteering. Kids love the holiday season, so this Christmas season is a great time to teach them the joys of both receiving and giving gifts.  Its the perfect time to show a child how to spread that warmth by helping others. Yes, it’s great for the needy, but it’s even better for your child.  Children love being helpful (it makes them feel grown-up), and volunteering gives them the chance to experience the deeply rewarding payoff that comes from making someone else happy.  It makes them feel good about themselves knowing that they are making a difference.

Don’t wait until New Year’s resolution to start volunteering, now is the time to give the gift of your Presence.

The subway is a good place to sit and daydream – get caught up in your own little world as the commuters fight over seats and personal space.  One day I was feeling very down and depressed.  I didn’t enjoy my job, was mourning the recent death of my brother and was very concerned about the direction my life was taking.  I was broke and constantly worried about how I was going to pay my bills.  As I sit and stew in my misery, I happen to glance across from where I was sitting to see a woman crying as she stares out the subway window. 

As I continued to watch her, she’d rummage through her purse – digging out what looked like pennies.  She slowly counted the few coins as tears streamed down her face, then turn to continue staring out the window – trying hard not to attract attention.   I couldn’t help but wonder about her life.  Who was she? What events took place that got her here – among strangers who are oblivious to her existence?  I felt so much empathy for her – thinking to myself “I might be having a temporary setback in my life but there are lots of souls out there who have it tougher than I do.”

As she got up and stood beside where I was sitting, waiting for her stop – I reached across and shoved my last $10 bill in her hand.  Startled, she looked down at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I just left my abusive husband and I’m on my way to a shelter”.  I looked into her eyes, smiled and said, “Take care of your self.”  She smiled and said thank you and stepped off.

Here I am with not a cent in my bank account giving away my last $10.00.  Crazy? Yes, but I felt like I was rich because it brought me so much joy to give away something that will benefit someone else who was in need.  I did it because I wanted to – not because I thought I had to.

We often hear of the popular saying “It’s better to give than to receive”.  But do we really know the hidden meaning that lies within this self-less act known as “giving”?  When you give something from your “heart” without expecting anything in return, you release a powerful force that will trigger your good deed to “bounce” back to you in some amazing ways.

I believe that whatever you impart to others will come back to you a hundred fold.  You are doing yourself a big favor by helping someone in need.  Even doing the smallest acts of generosity without expecting anything in return will bring good energy into your life.

When you give without wanting anything back, it opens up your heart to an enhanced sense of Peace, Love and Joy.  Giving without expectations will elevate your personal awareness of others.  As a result you will feel filled with compassion and gratitude.

Give without any expectation of rewards.  Give unconditionally.  Give because you are happy doing it.

With her out-of-control salt and pepper dated hairstyle and caterpillar like eyebrows – Susan Boyle, the spunky little Scottish firecracker, defied the odds against her and made the world take notice.  It wasn’t her intention to force society to ponder the question “why are we so quick to make judgment?”

This 47-year-old matronly woman, who has never been kissed, is no stranger to having people laugh and make fun of her.  In school she struggled with a learning disability and was abused and teased by her classmates. Reportedly, the scars of their comments remain to this day. And instead of getting married and having children, she committed her life to caring for her parents until their death and she now lives alone with her cat, Pebbles. She longed to be a singer and somehow found the strength and courage to go after her dreams and audition on Britain’s Got Talent.  Since then, there has been well over 80 million hits to several you-tube videos that show her singing “I dreamed a dream”.   One video pans the audience and judges reaction as she walks out on stage. The snickering, eye rolling and obvious distaste towards her quickly turned to praise and admiration as soon as she opened her mouth and filled the air with her purity. Instantaneously, everyone and everything – changed.

How often do you judge… and not judge yourself? 

When we are judgmental about others, we tend to be judgmental about ourselves.  By looking at only the outside of the person we then determine whether or not that person is good or bad, smart or not or even worthy of our time. We tend to put a label on people based on looks alone. When we judge people it is like we are making that person out to be someone they are not.

Instead of immediately passing judgment, we need to understand and have compassion for that person – to put one self in their shoes. Often, we are so quick to make judgement of others that we fail to take notice of our own faults.  We need to pay more attention to our own imperfections and learn to understand others. If we truly step back and take an objective look at ourselves, then perhaps we wouldn’t be so critical of others.

We need to keep in mind that everyone has a story and if we show compassion instead of jumping to conclusions, they will reveal their true selves. Most people we come in contact with can even teach us something about mankind and about ourselves.

When we have compassion it means we go without judgement to anyone in need.  Compassion is the direct opposite of judgment, so it is impossible to judge others and be able to express compassion at the same time. 

If we judge others then we are not showing compassion – we are not seeing the suffering in the other person.  A compassionate heart sees everyone as equal and understands that everyone suffers in some way.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion” – The Dalai Lama

They say that everything happens for a reason, and failure is no exception. Experiencing failure teaches us about humility, patience, and compassion. Failure is never the end of the road, but only the beginning of something potentially better.

There is always something to learn from our failures – ways to grow, different viewpoints to see, and new opportunities waiting to be discovered. Through our failures, we will find new ways, new strengths and new understandings. So don’t be afraid of failing – welcome it. 

F – Forgive yourself.

A – Acknowledge and accept what has happened.

I – It is not the end of the world – this too shall pass.

L – Learn from the mistake.

U – Understand that everything happens for a reason.

R – Refresh and pick yourself up and move on.

E – Empower yourself to try and try again.

“Negative self-talk is the one thing that we can change. If we can master our thoughts, then we can master our lives.”

We are all aware that criticism from others affects our confidence – but allowing self-criticism to happen is far more damaging.

Self-talk is powerful. We hear the words of that voice more than any other voice in our lives.  If our self-talk sounds like a critical, negative tape that run continuously – it then becomes difficult to act and speak with confidence and self-assurance.

The messages of negative self-talk can be subtle, but the impact is devastating.  When we listen to our inner critic, it will sabotage our dreams and destroy self-confidence.  The type of conversation you allow in your mind can either build you up or tear you down.  Constantly accepting negative inner dialogue is a form of self-sabotage and it can be more hurtful than anything anyone else would ever say.

Our inner critic thrives on increasing fear, doubt, hopelessness, and defeat. We must learn to stop declaring anything that hinders our goals such as “I can’t,” “I don’t have what it takes,” and “I am not good enough.”

Be conscious of your thoughts…

Often, our thoughts pass through our minds without us even being aware that we are thinking them.  If you are used to putting yourself down through negative self-talk, then this will take you further away from the things that you want to achieve.  Instead, be your own best friend and talk to yourself in a more positive way, motivating yourself with encouragement and praise. Look at every challenge as an opportunity for learning and turn every situation that confronts you to its best advantage.

Be aware and recognize your current way of thinking and that it might be self-defeating.  When you tell yourself you can’t handle something – or you’re focused on some other self-limiting thought, you tend to stop looking for solutions.  Recognize this and then stop yourself from using negative self-talk and instead use your mind to boost your productivity and self-esteem.

Learning to challenge negative thoughts might take time and practice, but is worth the effort. Once you start looking at it, you’ll probably be surprised by how much of your thinking is inaccurate, exaggerated, or focused on the negatives of the situation.

It is very important to keep your inner dialogue positive in order to achieve your dreams and goals. When you stop listening to the inner critic, you’ll stop draining your energy, hope, and motivation. You will begin to thrive and be the success you are meant to be.  Over time, your efforts will pay off in the form of stronger self-esteem, greater respect for yourself – and of course a deeper sense of happiness.

Most of us have no idea how much we complain. What we do notice is how often the people around us complain.

Are you the type of person who complains often? Do you complain when everything does not go your way? The next time you get together with a group just listen to yourself. Watch their faces and see if they notice your complaining.

Without realizing it, complaining becomes a habit and the more you complain the easier it is to just keep doing it.  After awhile, every situation you face is a crisis and every person you deal with is an idiot.  Nothing is good anymore.   Complaining destroys all hope that things will ever get better.   

Don’t complain about anything you cannot fix or do anything about. You waste your mental and physical energy and you let the situation become your problem, overtaking all of your inner peace and well being. If there is not one thing you can do to change whatever it is you want to complain about, let it go and instead look toward what you want or the situation you wish to create. 

If you’re complaining about your problems, you’re thinking about your problems; and, if you’re thinking about your problems, you still have the same perspective that caused them to appear in the first place. 

Action gets you where you want to be…. 

If there is any part of your environment or life that you cannot accept as it is then you need to take action to change it instead of complaining about it. Complaining keeps you stuck exactly where you are, while you try to escape by blaming it on someone else. 

Take responsibility for all that you have the urge to complain about and change it.

From time to time, we all get the feeling of being overwhelmed – even when life is good.  While I relish my independence, and pride myself on my strength and dignity, the stresses and strains of everyday ups and downs can take its toll and every once in a while I just need to let it all out and allow myself  to have a good cry.

After experiencing a tough and frustrating week, I found myself feeling restless and overwhelmed.  I knew I was upset, but I couldn’t seem to express it.  I was sitting on my couch watching an Oprah flashback moment as she did a tribute to little Mattie Stepanek who is no longer with us.  There it came, out of nowhere, the floodgates opened and I sobbed uncontrollable.  I was ready for it and I just let it take its course.  I felt so much better after my sob fest – the release was worth the red nose and puffy eyes that hung on for the rest of the day.

Does life seem so bad that you feel like bursting into tears? Go ahead and give yourself permission to have a sob fest! It will make you feel better.

Even though we’ve been doing it since we were born, the older we get, the more complicated crying becomes.  Sometimes, the most cleansing, healing thing to do is let the tears loose.

Studies have shown that people feel less sad and angry after crying.  Humans are the only animals to evolve the ability to shed tears in response to emotional stress.  We may feel better after crying because our tears flush out chemicals that build up during stress.  Weeping is not only a human response to sorrow and frustration, it’s a healthy one.  Crying is a natural way to reduce emotional stress that, left unchecked, can increase the risk of cardiovascular disease and other stress-related disorders.

While crying may be healthy, to cry or not to cry seems to be a cultural decision.  In North America crying is often viewed as a weakness, especially if it’s done in public.  This makes people uncomfortable and is considered undignified.  In Japan, crying is an acceptable thing to do and “crying clubs” have become a popular craze in that country. These clubs are places where people gather together, watch sad films and….cry.

Crying is a natural stress reliever, helps to clear the mind, and may even help you think things through a little more clearly than you would if you hold those stressful emotions inside.  So if you’re feeling stressed out or upset, consider allowing yourself to have a good cry. Not only is it good for the soul, it’s also evidently good for the body!

Once you’ve cleared whatever hurdle was making you so anxious, a session on the sofa with a box of tissues may be exactly what you need to put it behind you.

It’s normal – it’s healthy…and sometimes we just need to have a good cry.

Facing the Future by Mattie Stepanek

Every journey begins
With but a small step.
And every day is a chance
For a new, small step
In the right direction.
Just follow your Heartsong.

http://www.mattieonline.com/

Most times when we tune into the news it’s often filled with sensationalism, negativity and sadness but every once in a while a story comes along that makes us take notice and realize that the human spirit is really truly amazing. 

In recent new, there is a story of a young father who was standing at a bus stop minding his own business when he was randomly attacked and killed.  The cowards are still on the run but hopefully these despicable people will be found and are punished for this horrendous crime.  Although tragic, something small but profound had come from this sad event. 

The ex wife and child of this young man live thousands of miles away and desperately wanted to attend the funeral - hoping that her five year old can find some sort of closure with his dad but she can not afford to fly the distance and stay at a hotel.  Their story was made public and the outpour of attention was astonishing.  Thousands of complete strangers wanted to get involved and help this family.  One gentleman wasted no time and immediately booked their return flight and another lady sold furniture online and with the intentions of donating the money towards their hotel accommodations and anything else they need while they are staying in her city. 

An “acts of kindness” makes the world, in some small way, a better place. 

We don’t have to wait until a tragedy like this happens before we do something nice for our fellow humans.  The act of kindness can be expressed in countless ways:  A warm hello to a stranger, allowing cars to merge into traffic or just giving a few words of encouragement to someone who needs it.  These are all acts of kindness and when we reach out to help no matter how big or small the implications are far reaching.

Though it is sometimes easy to overlook opportunities to be kind – all around us there are situations in which we can be helpful, considerate, thoughtful, and friendly to loved ones, acquaintances, co workers as well as strangers. The most powerful acts of kindness are often the simplest: a word of praise, a gentle touch, a helping hand, a gesture of courtesy, or a smile - a sincere compliment can turn a person’s entire world around. Holding a door or thanking someone who has held a door for you can inspire others to practice politeness and make already kind individuals feel good about their efforts. Smiling at people you meet—even those who make you feel like frowning—can turn a dreary encounter into a delightful one, for both of you. Every kind act has a positive influence on all involved regardless of whether the act is acknowledged or not.

When we give the gift of kindness, whether in the form of assistance, concern, or friendliness, our actions creates happiness and hope that warms people’s hearts. 

Kindness brings about more kindness and slowly but surely takes a positive toll on humanity.

In good times or in bad times, we can all use some encouragement.

Recently a friend of mine told me that she has decided to open her own business.  I didn’t waste any time in jumping up and wrapping my arms around her, telling her how happy I am to hear that she is finally taking her passion to the next level and branching out on her own.  She’s excited about this new adventure but is also feeling nervous and going through the motions of “what if it fails?” which is normal, but most importantly, she finds comfort in knowing that the people around her care and will always be there to support and encourage her no matter what happens.

Giving encouragement to others when things are going well in their lives should be expected but we should always remember the importance in giving encouragement when someone’s world looks bleak.  A word or an act of encouragement has the ability to lift our hearts and our spirits – its like a lifeline on days we feel we are sinking.

The many faces of Encouragement

Speaking. Pleasant words bring healing to the soul. Lift someone by telling how you appreciate a certain quality in them.

Writing.  Send a note – doesn’t have to be lengthy.  Just saying “I care” or “I’m praying” will mean so much to someone who is lonely, grieving, or discouraged about wayward family members, unemployment, or health issues. 

Presence. Even when we don’t know what to say, just being there encourages.

A Touch. There is scientific proof about the positive effects of touch–from a light touch on the forearm to a tight hug can communicate that you care.

Helping.  Helpers are everywhere and use their ordinary skills to encourage others. From doing odd jobs around a home to taking someone to a doctor’s appointment.  We can all lend a hand when someone needs assistance. 

Giving. “Givers” recognize situations where time, money, food, clothing can lift spirits.  It can be as simple as giving someone a bouquet of flowers from your own yard.

Hospitality. Welcome someone in need into your home by simply providing a meal or bed for someone who is stuck. 

Power of Praying.  We can always offer our prayers. Prayer gives hope, courage and comfort to those who are in dispair. 

No matter the circumstances, it’s never too late to give encouragement. Often all the encouragement people need is the knowledge that someone believes in them.

I’m sure at one time or another you’ve been put in your place because of something you said that wasn’t well received and the words “think before you speak” were left ringing in your ears. 

We might walk away from an experience with our tail between our legs feeling a bit remorseful for hurting someone’s feelings but do you ever really take the time to understand what “think before you speak” truly means?

How conscious are you of the words that you speak?

For many years I was the type of person who would say whatever was on my mind.  I didn’t pay much attention to what words I used as long as I got my message out.  Along the way I hurt a lot of people because I didn’t take the time to consider their feelings or their situation before blurting out what I needed to say.  It took maturity and self-awareness for me to realize that words are powerful.  Now I am conscious of how I speak and strive to use my words wisely so that I feel confident in creating the connection and impression I’m looking for.  Of course there are still times when I stumble and let my emotions take over and I say things that I regret later but for the most part, I’m aware. 

There are consequences in everything we say, whether our intentions is to have a positive or negative result.  In any situation, we need to be mindful of what we say because words heal or hurt, build up or tear down, comfort or cause pain. 

Usually, when we think about hurting someone, we generally think of physical violence but some of the greatest damage that we can do to each other are through words of anger, jealousy and resentment.  The sad reality is that its usually directed at the ones we love the most.  The power behind using cruel words can cut so deep that they get absorbed in our hearts, mind and soul and can stay there forever.

So the next time you are about to utter a harsh word to a loved one or a friend – pause for a few moments, think about what you are about to say and remember, its not the words, but the intentions we have behind them.

For the longest time I thought money was the answer to my happiness.  No matter what was going in my life at the time, I would put happiness on the back burner.  I just kept thinking, “Once I land the “money” job, I will be happy”.   After many years of running, I finally caught up to my happiness – climbing the corporate ladder, reaching a salary that brought me the finer things in life.  Finally, I was happy, Happy, HAPPY! 

I found lots of ways to fill my happiness - purchased my first house and furnished it with lots of stuff.  Bought my first brand new car – and filled my closet with all the latest and greatest fashions.  When life and work overwhelmed me, I would take my happy pill called “must bury my head and shop away my problems”.  Life was good….but…

I kept chasing happiness and it eluded me every time…

A few years after reaching “I got lots of stuff” happiness – I was on a flight heading back home after visiting my sister, when I glanced down at my new designer shoes and thought to myself  “Do these shoes make me happy?”  They are lovely and stylish but do they fill the void that’s inside me?  It was in that moment that something clicked.  I knew that “lots of stuff” happiness just wasn’t doing it for me anymore.  Yes, it brought me a temporary high but I would always find myself back to chasing after happiness, again and again.

I no longer chase after happiness.  I discovered that my true happiness is all around me – in the little things that don’t cost a cent.

Are you getting tired of the chase?

If you haven’t yet figured out what truly makes you happy – maybe you should consider taking a bit of a rest and think about it before you set off on your next chase.

Every morning I start my day with unoccupied time.  There are no phones, no TV, no music, no computer – zero distractions.  It’s a time when my mind is quiet, my body is totally relaxed and my breathing is slow, deep and steady.  I’m not sitting on the floor with my legs crossed, chanting or stretched out in a yoga pose – I’m outside walking with my dogs – exploring what nature has to offer.

I didn’t go looking for “unoccupied time” – it found me.  It was five years ago, shortly after my mother died of cancer.  I wasn’t sleeping, depression and anxiety lingered.  I was easily agitated and my mind was in a constant motion of dark thoughts. 

Around this time a puppy came into my life.  Every day like clock work, I walked my little friend before I went to work and again when I got home.  In no time, I not only looked forward to this daily ritual – I actually craved it.  It was my way of  leaving behind the stresses in my life, even if it was just for a short while.  

Eventually the walks became longer and more meaningful - these unstructured moments were the silent blessings that helped me to surrender and let go of years of  turmoil inside me that silently tormented me.

Still have lots of exploring ahead of me…

I can’t wait to experience tomorrows’ unoccupied time because I know I will be a better person because of it.

Call it what you want…

In describing unoccupied time, some people might assume I’m talking about “meditation”.  Through my experiences when I talk to people about how I find peace, I discovered early on that the word meditation can bring with it a powerful reaction; making some people feel uncomfortable.  Maybe its because they aren’t ready to let silence in or it can be that they feel the history behind the word goes against their cultural and religious beliefs.

Understanding Silence In a New Way

In the midst of the noise, embrace the silence – engage it and be surprised by how much it has to say.  See the silence not as a void, but as an opening to that which one might not be able to define immediately, but rather to something that may take a while to grow.

“Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was 16 years old when I first had control over something important in my life.  It was my hair.  I took great joy in cutting off my long locks and chemically altering my naturally straight hair to an out of control curly perm.  I would spend what seemed like hours, backcombing my newfound curls to a point where I closely resembled a blowfish.  To add the final touch to my masterpiece, I would then spray an invincible force field to secure it in place. 

Armed with this bulletproof sealant, I could easily knock anyone to the ground who came within three inches of me – with just a quick flick of my head.

It was only a matter of time before I started hearing my mother say, “I wish you would go back to wearing your hair long, dark and straight – like it was when you were a little girl”.  I would roll my eyes and say, “Oh mother, it’s the 80’s, no one wears their hair like that anymore”.

I’m in my twenties and living two thousand miles away from my parents.  During this decade I fearlessly dive into experimenting with lots of different hairstyles and colors.  I was also suffering from an addiction to wearing only black clothing.  These were my chameleon days, so my parents didn’t know what to expect when I paid them a visit.

Shortly after arriving home and getting the hugs and kisses out of the way, my mother would say, “I wish you would go back to wearing your hair long, dark and straight – like it was when you were a little girl.  It also would be nice to see you in some color for a change.  Red was always your color – it went so well with your long dark hair”.  I would roll my eyes and say, “Oh mother, it’s the 90’s – I’m just expressing my individuality”.

Crossing over into the new millennium, I’m now in my early thirties.  These days I mainly stick to a short and sassy look – red with blonde highlights and still very much addicted to wearing mostly black clothing.  During the visits with my parents, it never fails, my mother would still say, “I wish you would go back to wearing your hair long, dark and straight – like it was when you were a little girl. I wish you would stop wearing so much black – red always look so nice on you”.  I would roll my eyes and say, “Oh mother, I’m just having fun – red hair is hot right now and black never goes out of style”.

August 2004 and I’m 37 years old – visiting with my parents and celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.  The morning of their big day, I get myself dressed and groomed before I head into my mother’s bedroom to do her make up for our family photos.  Her face lights up when I walk in and she says, “Now there’s the girl I’ve been wishing to see”.  I give her a smile and a hug and proceed to put blush on her cheeks.

My mother passed away four months after celebrating their Golden Anniversary.  Her dying wish was to get her family photos – where she’s surrounded by the love of her life, her eight surviving children and many adoring grandchildren.  Today, when I gaze at the family photos, I often smile and find some sort of peace knowing that I’m forever etched in a moment with my mother where I’m wearing a red dress as my long dark straight hair cascades down around my shoulders – like it did when I was a little girl.

A humble star knows that shining is what it does well and is generous with its light – unknown -

To be humble we must acknowledge that we are flawed.  Humility is about the willingness to learn and correct oneself.  Acknowledging our mistakes and having the courage to say – I am wrong, I am sorry.  These few words are often the most difficult to muster up and admit to.

Humility or humbleness is a quality of being courteously and respectful of others.  It is the opposite of aggressiveness, arrogance and egotistical. Rather than it being, “All about me first”,  humility allows us to say, “No, you first, my friend.”  Humility is the quality that lets us go more than halfway to meet the needs of others.

Acting with humility doesn’t deny us of our own self worth. A person who walks in humility isn’t lowering themselves – they rise up and lift others with them.

A humble person understands everything can be taken away in a heartbeat. They give thanks in what they have been granted with and use it to help others. They bring value to others – not take it away.  They understand that there is so much more to life than one’s own accomplishments. To not feel threatened – to stay neutral instead of falling into the competition of life.

If we look closely we can see humility in the eyes of those who can understand the pain and suffering of others. They are those who have suffered in their own life and have learned what love is all about. Someone who is humble is someone who is filled with the love.

I wish to share a true and personal story that a friend’s mother recently wrote.  She is an organ recipient.  My mission in posting this message is to bring awareness to the importance of organ donations.  As delicate as this topic is – it is a necessary discussion that we should have with our “mature” family members.

My personal connection with organ donation is – if it weren’t for a donor, my husband’s grandson, Sean would not be with us today.  A young man’s sudden and unexpected passing saved five lives.  We are forever grateful to his family for passing on the gifts of life.

Here is Bonnie’s life changing story…

My husband and I recently attended a Organ Donor reception in Auburn, Maine.  The purpose of this reception is to honor donor families across the State of Maine.

During the reception, serveral organ recipients shared their life saving stories.  There was a candlelight vigil ceremony in honor of donors and recipients and a heartfelt moment of a slide show presentation of pictures of donors of all ages – from tiny babies, to older men and women. The event was a whirlwind of emotions and a time of reflection but I still couldn’t help but wonder if my donor’s family was somewhere around me – in this room full of several hundred people.

For the most part, donors and recipients don’t usually meet, for many reasons.  Some recipients just can’t put into words to write a letter to the family of the donor.  Those who do find the courage to write don’t always hear back from their recipient for one reason or another. I’m sure because it is just too painful for them after their loss.

As the program ended, I quickly visted the ladies room before leaving the building.  As I was washing my hands, I noticed the woman beside me was the same person who was standing on the podium as they read out the donors names.  I smiled and said “You are a donor family, correct”? She said “Yes I am”.  I told her I am an organ recipient. 

She told me that she recently received a beautiful letter from her son’s liver recipient. She expressed how grateful her family was in receiving this letter.  I quickly replied “I am a liver recepient and I too sent a letter to my donor family.  I then asked, “How long ago did you lose your son”? She said “I lost my son on September 23, 2008″. My heart skipped a beat because my transplant was on the September 25, 2008”.

I asked her where she was from and she said, “Bangor”. My heart raced and I started feeling really nervous because I knew my donor was from the Bangor area.  I then asked, “could you tell me what the name is on your signed donor letter?” (recipients are only allowed to sign donor letters with first names only). When she said “Bonnie”…my heart nearly stopped.  I blurted out, “That’s me, I’m Bonnie, I have your son’s liver”. 

We both immediately grabbed on to each other and started crying. She put her hand on my right side, where my liver is and we both continued sobbing. I told her that I am forever grateful because I’m alive today because of her son. Through my tears I just kept saying thank you..over and over.

I never really thought I would actually meet the family who saved my life.  I know that God’s hands were on us – he lead us to each other so we could have closure and find some sort of peace.

In the letter that I wrote to my donor family, I made them a promise that I would always honor my donor.  I would do everything in my power to take good care of my body and my health.  That I would continue in my journey, spreading the good word about the importance of organ donation.  I want to tell the world that I’m alive and healthy today because of someone’s loved one.

Every day when I stand in front of the mirror and see my huge scar, I think of my donor and I honor him for the gift of life that he gave me.

A few months ago a woman in my community rang in her 90th birthday by leaping out of an airplane.  Three generations of her family also took the plunge with her that day.  It was her intention to do two things to celebrate her birthday.  To create a memory that her family will never forget and to also raise awareness for a cause that she is passionate about.  In the weeks leading up to the big day, Olive raised $2,500.00 for the Heart and Stroke Foundation.

After hearing the story about this amazing and fearless woman I thought to myself “What can I do to make a difference?”  Sure, I give money and food to causes that are close to my heart but Olive’s leap for a cause forced me to face the truth about something.  “I give of my money but I’m not physically involved with any causes or special groups”. 

This stranger’s courage and commitment to a cause inspired me to take action.

Its time to get physical…

Every day over the last three years, I drive by a nursing/retirement home and it never fails, I say to myself “I should see about volunteering there”.  No sooner do I pass by the building my thoughts quickly take me somewhere else and I soon forget about my good intentions.

Shortly after being inspired by Olive’s story, I finally took action and am now volunteering a few hours a week at the same facility that I passed by every day.  I offer to do a variety of things – I read for some residences and help out on game night.  I used to be a make up artist, so I take great pride in dolling up the ladies for when they’re expecting visitors.

I hope that one day I will be half as brave as Olive and find the courage to leap out of a plane just because or for a cause.  But for now I took the first step and made a small jump by getting out of my routine and comfort zone to be present in volunteering my time to help make a difference.  It is bringing me more rewards than I could have possibly imagined.

I know my presence is making a difference because every time I knock on a resident’s room door – I’m greeted with a big smile and an “I’m so happy to see you today”.

Every morning I start my day with a “PEP talk”.  The conversations I have with myself are full of Passion, Enthusiasm and Perseverance.

These daily “self-talk” are important because they keep me grounded and focused on the important things in my Life. Giving thanks for all that is good; they keep my thoughts in line – defending me against the negatives that try to tackle me; and they tell me to to keep striving – to make the necessary changes within so I will always be a winner in the game of Life.           

Most days, I manage to plow my way through with feelings of peppiness but there are some days when I feel completely defeated and at a loss.

During the times when I’m not on a winning streak, I’ve learned to not give up and quit – when my inner coach’s speech doesn’t give me the get up and go I need when I’m faced with a challenge.  During these down times, I go over the “instant replay” in my mind to figure out what I did wrong and where I need to make changes.

I’ve learned that no matter how much positive influences I surround myself with, if I don’t do my part and listen to my inner coach, then I’m not going to perform to the best of my ability each and every day.  

Practice makes perfect…

We can’t always look to, depend on and wait for people around us to give us that pat on the back or a hug saying, “You can do it” or “Hey, you did your best – everything is going to be alright”.   Take it upon yourself to practice - train your brain to work with your inner coach so you can give yourself the PEP talk you need.  

You will also come to understand that sometimes in the game of Life, you don’t always have to be physically involved in the game - there are times when its best to just sit on the sidelines –  to observe and learn from others.

Learn to become your biggest fan and cheerleader – in giving yourself encouragement and to keep your spirits up even when you lose a game or two.

 
         Think You Can

If you think you are beaten, you are,
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you like to win, but you think you can’t,
It is almost certain you won’t.

“If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost
For out of the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow’s will—
It’s all in the state of mind.

“If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

“Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!”

 author – C. W. Longenecker

A few weeks ago I was hit with some devastating news that really took the wind out of my sails.  In that moment it felt as if my life came to a screeching halt.  The initial shock and anger overwhelmed me as I roamed through the house with my head in the clouds – dazed and in a trance-like-state, wondering how I was going to get through this. I just kept reviewing the scenario over and over in my mind, asking myself, “What went wrong? Why did this happen? Where do I go from here?

Days went by before I was able to wrap my head around the depth of what occurred.  And as painful as it may be, I was able to minimize the problem, look at the big picture and say, “Things could have been a lot worse”. 

To me, its all about keeping Life in perspective – yes, I have a dilemma hanging over my head and I’m doing my best to get through it but I refuse to let it be my mind’s focus and let it fill my life with doom and gloom. 

When one thing is going wrong, I need to keep in mind the many things that are going right in my life.  My health is good, my family is safe, I have a healthy and wonderful relationship with my husband, I have great friends, I have a warm and safe house to come home to, I have money to pay my bills…and the list goes on and on.

It  can be very easy to let myself be consumed with this one dilemma that tried to spiral me into a dark place but I chose to shift my attention away from the negative and focus only on the positives in my life.

There used to be mornings when I’d wake up filled with expectations but in a matter of hours I would quickly feel anxiety, frustration, worry and angry because things didn’t go according to my plans.

It was always easy to get upset and frustrated when my expectations didn’t roll out the way I intended them to – only to end up feeling miserable and letting my misery fall on those around me. 

Expectations I put on myself was always a struggle, constantly fighting to find a healthy balance.  There’s now a strong need to search for some sort of a middle ground.  

To not make plans or put expectations on myself feels foreign to me.  To let go of the controls makes me feel as if nothing in my life will get done.  I fear not ever experiencing that sense of accomplishment when an expectation does work in my favor.

I’m learning that it’s normal and healthy to set expectations but to not beat myself up whenever Life doesn’t follow my plans. 

Change of plans…

Living without expectation is not living without a plan – it’s about moving through Life with a good sense and humor when expectations don’t work out – knowing that nobody cares about my plans but me.

Living without expectations is not about being irrational and irresponsible – it’s about being realistic.   To let go of expectations doesn’t mean you are abandoning plans for the future – it means that you’re letting things happen and unfold as they may.  Giving up trying to control the unseeingly promise of the future.

Living without expectations is taking care of yourself and doing the best you possibly can at this very moment and letting your life unfold, as it will.

Last month I spontaneously made a trip to visit my dad who lives 1500 miles away.  One morning I was talking to him on the phone – that afternoon I booked my flight and two days later I was sitting in his living room.  It was easy to make excuses as to why I shouldn’t go..life is busy, it costs too much..blah, blah, blah. 

As I get older I’m realizing more and more that  there is never a perfect time to make time for those we love.  I’m also learning that spontaneity often open doors to creating the most magical memories.

I seized the moment and knew that I was about to embark on some heartfelt “memory making opportunities”.  The week went by in a blink of an eye – it was also one of the hardest goodbyes but it was certainly “time well spent” with my dad.  Spending quality time with him has created my most cherished “daughter/father” memories that will be with me forever. 

It is my intention to find ways every day for the rest of my life doing great things to remember.  To look back at yesterday, last week, last month, and last year, knowing that I have created amazing, happy and positive memories so they will override the not so great memories. 

Opportunities are everywhere…

It’s easy to get caught up in life and not be aware that every day we come face to face with positive “memory-making opportunities”.  Memories are what fill our souls with the “good stuff.” 

Its important to be open to creating special memories for those who cross our path whether a child, sibling, friend, spouse or total stranger.

Give yourself permission to be more spontaneous – live in the moment and seek out memory making opportunities..they’re all around you.  Don’t hesitate when your instincts are telling you to JUST DO IT!!! 

Here’s to a lot more wonderful memory-making opportunities!

It’s that time of year when employees from all around the globe are discreetly picking names for the upcoming Secret Santa exchange.  This annual fun event is a tradition at most companies as it’s a good way to get into the Christmas spirit, bond with co-workers, eat lots of treats, have a few laughs and see what your mystery Santa has bought you.

There was a time when I boycotted this fun event – not because I’m a scourge or my taste was so expensive that I would never be satisfied with a gift under $20.  I avoided it because I just got tired of receiving gifts that were picked out of “last minute desperation”.   I would get gifts such as Christmas mugs filled with chocolate or some Christmas wall hanger that looked like it was pulled from the bottom of an old storage bin – cleverly disguised behind pretty paper and a bow.  This is what I call the “no effort – no imagination syndrome”.   I’m sure a lot of you who are reading this are laughing because you too experienced the “wait until last minute and pick whatever I could find at a 24 hour convenience store” gift.

You gotta do a little digging

No matter whose name I pick – I would make an effort to find out my co-worker’s likes and dislikes.  Ask fellow coworkers if they knew anything about the person so it would help narrow my search for a nice gift.  I check to see how she decorated her office or desk and take the time to ask her about her interests without being obvious that I was her Santa.   I’d stick to the rules and stay within the dollar limit of $15 to $20.  In the end, I use my imagination to pick gifts that people liked.

I know it’s not always easy to pick a gift for someone you hardly know but if you’re going to participate in this event, then I suggest you put in the effort, do your homework and use your imagination.  There are many simple and affordable ideas waiting to be explored.

Santa’s Box of Surprises – Under $20.00

You can find amazing little things at your local Dollar Store or Bargain Shop.  First pick out a good size Christmas gift box for less than $2.50, which is perfect because it can be reused.  By the time you finish walking through the store you will find plenty of things to fill the box with.  Examples:

Picture frame
Candles and candleholders/plate
Small photo album
Small decorative flower vase
Journal (for those who like to write)
Address book
Christmas Potpourri
Recycled novels/how to books
Lotions, soaps and bath products
Fuzzy socks/slipper socks
One size fits all gloves
Lip Gloss
Make-up sponges/Eye Make-up Remover Pads
Christmas chocolate

By putting a little thought and imagination into picking a gift – you’ll not only put smile on a co-workers face but it will certainly leave them with a lasting impression.

I recently fell into a part-time job that I love, Love, LOVE.  A childhood friend and myself are working with local schools to promote education.  Our goal is to reach out to adults who have fallen through the cracks after dropping out of middle school or high school – help them overcome their barriers/fears so they can start back on a path of building for a better tomorrow through education. 

Our research is done; we have the support from community leaders who will help gather our target audience.  So now comes the hard part,..speaking in front of groups of people.

I can no longer hide behind my computer and bang out information, or stay in the comforts of creativity – now that our inspirational power point presentation is ready to be rolled out.  Behind the scenes was the easy part but now I have to face and wrestle with my fear of public speaking.  Am I scared?  YES!!!  Will I give in to “believing” the fear-based tales that keep trying to creep into my thoughts?..such as, “you’re going to make a fool of yourself”, “you don’t have what it takes to keep the audience’s attention”.  No,  because I refuse to let the poison seep in and destroy something that will bring me happiness and help make a difference.    

I’m prepared and ready to face what’s in store for me when I get out there to do my first presentation.  I will be feeling uncomfortable, anxious, nervous, fidgety, and more than likely stumble over my words as I do the best that I possibly can to get our message out to those who need it.

These fear-based feelings are nothing new to me because I’ve been through it many times before.  I acknowledge how I’m feeling and push through it away.  These are normal imperfections that come along for the ride every time I venture into unknown territory.

I know that as long as I believe in myself and keep the faith – everything will work out and fall into place.     

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real  

If you befriend Mr. Fear and let him be your constant companion, he will always set you up for failure.  Every time you get close to making a change in your life – those scary signals always show up…anxiety, nervousness, stress, panic, worry and indecision..and thats when Mr. Fear will make his move.  Just when you’re about to take a leap of faith, he will whisper in your ear, “your wasting your time”, “you don’t have what it takes” “we don’t like change – lets just stay where we are..its safe”. 

Fear will work its way into your soul, manipulating and crippling you – keeping you frozen in a constant state of indecision.  Wrapping himself around you – putting you in a chokehold as you gasp for air, fighting and struggling to get free.

Fear is the enemy – he plays the role of antagonist in the story of your life. Robbing you of happiness and forcing you to stay in mediocrity.  He stomps on your confidence making you afraid to begin things, robbing you of your power – destroying ambition and steals your dreams.  

Fear stops people from taking so many right paths and causes them to take that all together wrong path. 

Feel the fear and do it anyway

Conquering fear starts with a choice to be in faith.  When you are confident in your faith there’s nothing that can stop you.

So many people today are living in a “just existing” state because they’ve allowed fear to stop them from pursuing their goals/dreams. When faced with something new, its normal to have feelings of nervousness, anxiety, and sometimes feeling downright terrified. It’s part of taking risks –growing, evolving and moving ahead.

If you’re ready to make changes – don’t let fear rob you from opportunities for living a happy and sucessful life.  Choose to  face your fears and overcome them by having faith and believe that everything will unfold in a positive way…..

I recently crossed paths with an old school friend who I haven’t seen in over 25 years.  We now work together and it’s been great getting reacquainted with her all over again.  Having fun reminiscing about the past and exchanging our life stories.  After a few weeks of spending lots of time together, she said there’s something different about me now that never showed before.  She summed it up in one word saying that I was “free” – carrying myself as if I’m weightless – there’s no baggage from the past.  I appear happy and content with my life, open/approachable and I don’t  have any ulterior-motives/not expecting anything in return.

I never really  put much thought into how I’m being perceived but to have someone tell me that I come across as being “free” is a compliment that I gladly accept.  I guess the last 13 years of being on a “letting go” journey is showing its true colors.

What I know for sure about living free

• We make life more complicated then it really is. 
• Happiness is living a purposeful life and being true to your authentic self. 
• When you find yourself in a useless battle – you just simply walk off the battlefield.
• To move forward and allow change, you must let go of old beliefs, habits and thoughts - unlearn the many things that you’ve spent your entire life learning.
• Letting go of all anxiety, stress, anger, grudges and resentment means that you are freeing yourself up for many blessings that are in store for you. 
• You are what you think - your outer world becomes a reflection of your inner world. 
• You must believe and have faith that your present and future holds the best days of your life.
• You attract what you put out:  Learn to release the need to “control” everything in your life.  Let yourself become spiritually open to allow all good things to flow into your life. Trust in your instincts and God’s nature to guide you.
• Stop trying to make everything happen according to what you think should happen. Let things happen according to the natural flow of life.
• Living one’s life with an attitude of gratitude. It’s not possible to move towards what you want when you aren’t grateful for what you already have. 
• Learning to let go is one of the biggest gifts you can give to yourself and share with others. 

I’ve practiced letting go long enough to know that it feels a whole lot better than not letting go. It has brought me much needed peace, joy, and happiness.

Please forgive me, for I have been very lazy.  Its been two weeks since my last post. I accuse myself of finding comfort in mindless distractions.

While drudging my way through an unavoidable “family” distraction – I found solace in getting lost in “time wasting” distractions that take me away from my commitments and goals.  So instead of making time for writing and other things that I need to focus on, I’d spend all my spare time watching TV, surfing the Internet – chasing after celebrity gossip, chatting online, texting and Skyping family and friends. I was doing whatever I could to avoid doing the things that required discipline, focus and concentration.

In no time I was sinking further and further in the black hole of “wasting precious time” and the more I played into it – the harder it was to pull myself out.  At the end of each day, I’d go to bed feeling like crap because I got NOTHING accomplished – only to fall back in the hole the next day and do it all over again.

Is it a time out or a time waster???

Time wasting distractions clutter our mind and squander precious time – leaving us sidetracked, unproductive and unmotivated. No matter how focused and determined we are – we still let the little attention grabbling things draw our attention away. Pulling focus away from the things that are important.

Indulging in a little mindless distraction is healthy – to take a break from every day stresses.  But there’s a fine line between taking a  “time out” and “wasting time” – so you have to stay alert and know when to pull back before you get sucked into the black hole of no return.

It’s getting harder and harder to stay focused on the things we say we want to accomplish because there is so much coming at us that it gets in the way.  We understand what needs to get done but the doing can be such a chore. By letting time wasting distractions consume you – every aspect of your life can suffer because of it.

There’s no possible way to eliminate all distractions but its so important to find a healthy balance and schedule around them.  Don’t let meaningless distractions eat up your precious time that should be used towards chasing after all that you’re meant to do and be…

Real change occurs – one determined woman at a time. 

This past weekend I had the privilege to attend my first ever International Women’s Day Luncheon.  I left all expectations at the door and walked into a room filled with women of all age, race and background – mingling with those who live in poverty to those who are of great power and influence.  We come together to celebrate the spirit of women – working together to bridge the gap in equality - social, economical, political and in health.

As everyone was settling in, I approached a table full of women I didn’t know and asked if I could join them.  It didn’t take long for me to feel as at ease and get engrossed in finding out who they were and what brought them to this event.  Most of the women at this table of eight were retired school teachers.  They might have been retired from teaching but they certainly weren’t retired from life – volunteering and dedicating a lot of their time to social and economic issues that affect women and children.

Five local women were honored for their contribution to making a difference in their neighborhoods.  They are leaders in their communities who work towards breaking down barriers and the stigmas that are often associated with impoverished communities.

Each woman shared her personal experiences – battling and overcoming addictions, abuse/violence and poverty.  Their stories were heartwrenching as we felt their pain – there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.  As each woman finished their speech and accepted their award, we leaped from our chairs – showering them with well-deserved standing ovations and praise. I felt so honored and proud to be part of this truly amazing celebration.

Why dedicate a day exclusively to the celebration of the world’s women?

Every year on March 8 is International Women’s Day. For the women of the world, this Day is an occasion to review how far we have come in our struggle for equality, peace and development.

In 1911, a woman named Clara Zetkin, a leader of the Women’s Office for the Social Democratic Party in Germany, tabled the idea of an international Women’s Day. She proposed that every year in every country there should be a celebration on the same day – A Women’s Day to press for their demands.

IWD (International Women’s Day) is now celebrated in many countries and in thousands of cities and towns. Some countries such as China and Russia celebrate IWD as a national holiday.

On this day we recognize that peace and social progress requires the active participation of women. This is also a time to acknowledge the contribution of those women who devote their lives to international peace and security.

In recogntion of this day, take time to honor the women in your life who inspire you to be strong and continue to forge ahead no matter what comes your way.   

Happy International Women’s Day!

What do you do when the going gets tough and you feel like quitting?  Do you surround yourself with Power Words – positive affirmations to help you cope when you hit the roadblocks on your road of life?
 
Power Words (positive quotes/phrases) will help you stay focused, motivated, inspired and on track.  Whether your goal is to raise your confidence, live a happier and more fulfilled life, advance in your career, lose weight, etc – then it’s very important to surround yourself with encouraging words that will keep you moving in the right direction. 

Power Words nourish the soul and inspire you to strive for something greater.  Giving you the strength you need to carry on when you feel like giving up.   

Post your favorite Power Words around your house and at home – where you can see and read them everyday.  Stick them on your fridge, next to your computer, on your mirror, even write them down on index cards and carry them with you.  Over time they act as a best friend – giving you the support and encouragement when you need it most.

“The true self does not need to be defended.It just needs to be expressed.”

As my clients walk into my office and sit at the small table, I pay attention to their reaction and body language.  Often seeing slumped shoulders as they shift nervously in their seat and stare at their folded hands rather than make eye contact with me.  

Within minutes of beginning our session, I start to see their transformation.  Bodies start to relax, shoulders go back, eye contact comes easily and enthusiasm slowly starts to show.  Why the sudden shift?  I begin each session with “Tell me about yourself? And,  What makes you happy? I ask these two questions because I truly want to make a connection with the person I’m sitting next to.   The questions catches people off guard because they aren’t used to having someone take such a vested interest in what they have to say. 

As they share their life stories with me, I lean in close, listening intensely to their every word – giving them my undivided attention.  In no time I learn about their dreams, pains, fears and vulnerabilities and in return I give them the gift in sharing with them the real me – understanding who they are and also sharing with them my fears and vulnerabilites.  By the end of our session together, I have earned their trust and friendships are established. 

I’m able to get people to open up and be themselves because I show them my true self.  By being real, I give others the freedom to be real and truthful back to me.  No pretenses, no smoke, no mirrors, no ulterior motives – just clean, clear communication from the heart and soul.

I have faith and trust in who I am – I never project something that I’m not.  To be real and true to myself means total freedom to be exactly who I am. I live my life speaking and acting in truth. 

Who we are speaks more loudly than what we say 

One of the most liberating things in the world is to know yourself, like yourself and be yourself. Being true to who you are is the ultimate freedom you can give yourself. It means that you are being clear about what you value in life. 

Being real means being present – open in vulnerable ways without roles or masks or expectations of any kind.  When we remove our masks, we then begin to tune into our true feelings, perspectives and passions in life. We discover with clarity what we want and don’t want.

It takes courage to take off the disguise protecting you and to let your true colors shine.  This is one of the most honorable and rewarding actions a person can decide to take in life. 

Be brave and speak your truth boldly; Deal with conflicts directly; Express your emotions fully.  Be vulnerable and real about what you think and how you feel.  By doing so gives you access to real freedom and power.

We can’t go wrong when we’re ourselves, because nobody does “us” as well as we do.

Last September I was reading one of the gazillions  “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books, called Tough Times, Tough People.  Half way through the book I came across a short story about a 15-year-old girl who grew up in world filled with addictions and abuse. 

In the book she talked about the pain and anger she feels towards her birth mother, asking the question, “How could a woman who gave birth to me and my three siblings put us through the worst possible things that no child should experience?”    

She is strong in her convictions – telling us that she’s determined to take her life in a different direction then that of her mother and siblings.  In her own words, “Recovering from the abuse, I have grown stronger.  I am not going to follow my mother’s steps.  I’m going to be who I want to be, not who everyone else wants me to be. I can’t change anyone else but myself so I’m changing the path of my family history.”

After reading this heart-wrenching story I felt compelled to email the young lady who stole my heart.  I told her that her story is inspiring and that a stranger is rooting for her.  Hoping that she stays on the right track and becomes the success that I know she can be.

After sending the email, I often thought about her and wondered how she was doing.  To my surprise six months later I received an email from her.  She agreed to let me tell her story and also give an update about how life has been since being published in the Chicken Soup series.  . 

Alexis Ludeman who is now 17 and is all too familiar with how drug addiction destroys a family.  In the book Alexis describes how her mother, a Meth addict for over 25 years, would leave her and her baby sister behind in crack houses to fend for themselves because she would get so high and forget about them. 

Most of the time they were left to raise themselves.  Alexis, a child herself, took on the role as parent to her little sister making sure she had three meals a day – bathing/clothing, homework and getting them both to and from school every day.

When Alexis was 13 she was put in foster care.  After living in a few foster homes, she says she’s found her “true parents” – in a couple named Diane and Monique.  Saying that she has a great relationship with them but often bumps heads with Diane who is always getting on her case.  I explained to her that she’s very lucky to have someone who keeps on her – as this is Diane’s way of letting you know that she cares and only wants what’s best for you. 

Alexis was honest in letting me know that since her story was published she has given into peer pressure and experimented with drugs and alcohol.  She tells me that she’s learned her lesson is now getting her life back on track.  She’s currently volunteering a few days a week at a learning center working with elementary school kids.  She finds it very fulfilling and says that she wants to go to college to become a special education teacher. 

Alexis is learning from her own mistakes and from others.  She finds strength in seeing what she doesn’t want – in watching those around her (family and friends) living in addictions and where their lives have taken them.  “I don’t want to be like them.  I want to achieve a lot in my life.  Doing drugs is a cowardly way out – escaping life the easy way and hiding from reality because you can’t face it.”   

Even though she knows she can’t control the path her siblings take in life but she can’t help but worry about them.  She will never give up hope that one day they will chose to get sober.  She’s especially concerned for her little sister who is now 14 – who’s doing drugs and puts more energy into boys then she does in school.  Alexis knows that the only thing she can do is just live by example.  As long as she continues to chase after her dreams and stays sober she may one day be the positive influence and mentor they need to get clean.

Beating the odds…

Alexis has the making of a success story.  Will she make it?  It’s a choice that is totally up to her.  She understands that in order for her to stay on the right path she must surround herself with positive and strong influences and learn from her mistakes. She’’s seeing first hand what the power of a positive role model does for young kids because she is one to those she comes in contact with at the learning center.  I hope the experiences she recieves from helping others will continue to encourage and inspire her to keep reaching for her goals and to never give up.

What started out as an interview has blossomed into a friendship and even though there’s 4000 miles between us, I made it clear to Alexis that I’m just an email away whenever she needs advice or someone to talk to. 

Alexis, I believe in you and hope that this dedication helps inspire you to keep reaching for the stars.

A person will be as happy as they make up their minds to be – Abraham Lincoln

I find myself in the midst of being in a transitional state of the unknown.  I’m literally hanging in limbo with absolutely no control over a situation and can very easily let it consume me and hold me prisoner.

I allow myself to feel and acknowledge my frustrations and anger but during this time of uncertainty I made a conscious decision to isolate the incident and continue enjoying my life’s journey without letting this challenge contaminate my happiness.

I’ve learned that no matter what life’s challenge crosses my path, I have the choice to either be happy or unhappy.  It’s that simple. 

Happy vs Unhappy:  You decide 

Happiness is a reaction to life. It doesn’t matter what the day’s events may be, you have the power within to choose happiness.

Our attitude about life and the things that happen to us each day can greatly impact our overall level of happiness.  Inside us lies the key to being content and happy right now..right at this moment..but few use it. We have the power to create our own happiness and choosing happiness is a way of life.  It isn’t a matter of luck – it’s a personal choice we make.

It’s so easy to become so caught up and consumed in life’s challenges and/or personal goals that we overlook the simple everyday things that we should be enjoying.

Often times, it’s not the big things that happen in life that keep us from being happy; it’s the small things. Little inconveniences like not being able to find your car keys in the morning or being in a hurry and getting stuck behind someone going 40 in a 60-mile-an-hour zone. So often, we let these little frustrations determine the mood that we carry for the rest of the day.

Be Happy Where you Are

We often talk about the importance of being in the ‘here and now’ but what do we actually mean by this? The problem is we often plan our happiness in the future.  If we get that job, relationship, etc, then we will be happy.  The problem with planning future happiness means it will always remain elusive.

We need to be happy now..wherever we are. Even in the most difficult of situations there are opportunities to be a little more cheerful and a little less frustrated. Don’t allow small things to knock you off balance. Don’t let temporary circumstances overshadow areas where you could find joy.

Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It just means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.

I recently came face to face with my past. I was at a restaurant with my family when an ex-boyfriend sat down at a table directly in front of me.  Seeing him after 22 years brought back memories of a not so good time in my life.  The man before me is someone who I allowed to steal my power when I was 21 years old.  He physically and mentally abused me and long after the relationship ended, I hung on to the hurts from that time.  For many years I let my emotions hold me prisoner.  I could not move forward – to let happiness in and to know peace until I learned to forgive and let go of the past.

I’ll admit it, as soon as I saw him, panic set in and I just wanted to jump up and leave.  Instead, I took a deep breathe and quickly self-evaluated how I was feeling at that very moment.  Saying to myself  “That was a million years ago.  I have long since let it go and forgave him for what he did.”

Even though I could feel his eyes on me, I chose to tune him and those negative memories out and focus on what was important – being in the moment with my family.  There was nothing to prove to him.  I stayed true to whom I am and when I left the restaurant, I left behind that encounter and the memories from it.  It is now in the past.  

Past doesn’t equal the future

There’s no way to possibly move forward if you’re continually driving in reverse. Too many of us live in the past – dredging up things that really no longer matter.  Living each day trying to rectify mistakes or decisions we regret.

The past has no energy and serves no purpose in our lives at this very moment.  Remaining stuck in the anger of “what should have been”, “what was supposed to be” and “how that person did me wrong” dooms us to a bleak future filled with sadness and despair.

To move forward you must take control of your life and not let the past control you.  The hardest part in moving forward is to separate yourself from whoever or whatever hurt you and realize that the past does not define who you are today.

It’s important to acknowledge the past because it has played an important role in shaping who we have become.  Our past is used to draw lessons from – it is not to be lived in.   We are to take the lessons from the experiences and use them to build a happier and peaceful future.

It’s within our power to choose how to react to what has happened in the past.  It’s about controlling and constantly evaluating our thoughts and how we respond to them.  Gaining insight into what happened and choosing not to react to the past hurt but to remain in the present moment.

Make the best of your life and live it day by day – for your present and future will one day become your past.

 The dictionary defines courage as “the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action.”

“I did it!  Today, I gave my landlord a 60-day notice that I’m leaving! I’m scared to death and don’t know what the future holds for me but I’m ready to face whatever comes my way.”  These are the words I heard over the phone from my brave sister who finally mustered up the courage to leave behind her big city life after more than 30 years. 

For the last three years, like a broken record, Sharon would tell me her plans about leaving Toronto to move 2000 miles to live close to her family.  Every time I’d bring up the subject, she would have excuses and quickly move on to talk about something else.  Why was she constantly changing her mind and avoiding the subject?  There was nothing holding her back from leaving.  There was no secure job tying her down – no real emotional connections to hang on to.  The city served its purpose and now it was time for her to move on.  So what was the real reason for her not taking the leap of faith? It was her fear of the unknown.

It took great courage for Sharon to look at her life honestly and reevaluate it – making necessary changes to move forward. This experience forced her to look at what she needs to release and reshape in her life in order to be truly happy and fulfilled.

I will walk in this journey with her – lending her strength and encouragement every step of the way.  I have faith that she will march through all of this more courageous and stronger. To be able to cope with life in a much more powerful way because of the lessons learned from this experience.  She now understands that courage is not living without fear, it’s having the bravery to stand up to it.

Courage is a Choice

No one is going to give you courage you have to find it yourself.  Courage is doing things before realizing what we did – then taking a deep breathe as you reflect, wondering what came over you.  Courage is having the ability to do what you need to do before you’re forced to do it. You will never know what you can do until you find the courage to step out in faith and do it.

Courage isn’t something that is given to us overnight. It’s a quality we cultivate regularly in the face of problems, hardships, disappointments, and loss. So instead of running from challenges, we need to embrace them and move through them.

The only difference between fear and courage is the ability to take a stand and believe in yourself and to act in spite of your fear.

“Courage is being scared to death . . . and saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne

“I’m too old to start over” is what I constantly hear from a 58-year-old woman who is currently taking GED (grade 12 equivalent). 

I recently met with Susan (not her real name) to help her figure out what career would be perfect for her.  With tears running down her face she says, “By the time I get my GED and complete college, I’m going to be in my early 60’s.  Who the heck is going to hire an old woman?” 

Up until last year, Susan was able to hide her dirty little secret of not completing high school.  Having an amazing career in the hospitality/food industry – managing hundreds of people and working directly with a well-known airline. A few years ago she had to give it all up because she was suddenly overcome with severe allergies and sensitivity to fragrances.

Not long after leaving a career she loved, she was offered a job in a field that was perfect for her new lifestyle.  She aced the interview and was one step from moving into her new career when the company asked for a copy of her grade 12 diploma. 

It’s only a number!

During our session I let her know that it’s never too late to make a career change.  I reminded her of the amazing and inspiring people who are well into their 70’s, 80’s and 90’s who are still going strong.  One example: 94 year old woman in Boston recently graduated with a Bachelor of Arts Degree and is ready to start a career working in a Museum.  She’s not letting her age stop her from living her dreams.

I keep things real and didn’t hold back in telling Susan that she must change the way she looks at her future and to not put her energy and focus on ”being old”.  As the saying goes “You’re as old as you feel.  Sure our skin wrinkles with age but it doesn’t mean that we have to let our mind and soul wrinkle and get old.” 

By the end of the session she rediscovered a long lost dream that she hasn’t thought about in years – to be a flight attendant.  She has all the making to work in this field – well groomed, vibrate, articulate and bilingual but because of her illness she’s unable to go in this direction.  So what did we come up with for Plan B?  She’s looking forward to pursuing a career as a travel agent.

Keep looking to the future…

The thought of growing older is never appealing or easy. Not only do we feel bad over the physical changes that take place but with every passing year we look back and wonder what could have been. What could we have achieved if only we started getting serious about life when we were younger? What great things could we have done if only we had a good start?

How sad it must be to sit around and mope over lost time!  What so many of us do not understand is that age is just a number.  Life is life and if you are alive then you have the potential to achieve anything you set your mind to.  Age has no barrier to starting something new apart from your own “age” hang ups and negativity.  You’re only as old as you let your brain tell you, you are. 

It’s not the amount of years in your life that count but the amount of life in your years. So instead of thinking you’re too old just think of how young you’ll stay by pursuing your passions.

A few days ago I received a call from a client who shared with me the great news that she has reached a Turning Point where she has decided to start a new chapter in her life by moving 4000 miles away from her comfort zone to live with her son and his family. 

The decision didn’t come easy to this 56-year old woman who has been living in a black hole for the last 10 years.  Tired of living in her misery and pain, she knew she had to make drastic changes in order to break out of her negative cycle.  She is longing to fill the gaping hole in her chest from many years of living in a state of constant fear, anxiety and panic. 

At the end of her rope and hanging on by a thread, she hit her rock bottom after sinking into a deep depression, the kind where there is no way to go but up.  Everything reached a turning point when she prayed for a way out.  She found the strength and courage to start looking at her life and search for ways out of her self-made nightmare. 

She still has a lot of work ahead of her but she’s back in the driver’s seat of creating her own happiness and is excited about her new beginnings.  She is ready to see what life will bring her. 

Forced decisions

Turning Points come to us in times of crisis whether it be medical, spiritual, financial, professional – to force us to make changes. They come to us when something in our world has gone so wrong that everything else seems to be out of focus.

They creep in when you begin to realize that you’re no longer content with your life.  When you say enough is enough and you are in a desperate state to make the choice/decision to change your life in some drastic way.

We all have those moments when clarity hits us and we know that what we’ve been doing, or haven’t been doing, is no longer enough.  It’s like you’re standing at a fork in the road, looking left then right, but not moving because we can’t decide which road to take.

Years of suppressed feelings, anxiety, fears eventually bubble up to the top – catching your attention long enough for you to feel discomfort and then you’d push them back down until one day everything ruptures like a volcano.  You can no longer ignore your restlessness that something has to change.  We don’t welcomes these moments – they make us feel uncomfortable and unsettled because it crashes into the path we’re so comfortable with.

These defining moments happen because it’s then that we are forced to listen to the little nagging voice inside us.  Knowing that a decision must be made to do something differently or to let go of something that’s holding us back from stepping into a new chapter of life.

Don’t wait for a crisis to hit to embrace a turning point.  Find the courage to break down the wall that stands between you and that relentless yearning that something great is waiting for you on the other side.

A few weekends ago I attended my first spiritual/silent retreat. 

Before venturing into this unknown territory, I made a conscious decision to purge myself of all my worldly possessions and distractions.  With the exception of a change of clothing, a few toiletries and a journal to record my thoughts – for 48 hours, Paulette Furey, aka – Pattie Parnips did not exist. 

For those few days I lived a poor and simple life while finding myself on a journey of self-discovery.  Taking stock of who I am, wherever I want to go and what’s holding me back.  Asking the question, “What is it that makes life worth living?”

With the exception of 5 –1 hour spiritual advisory lead sessions, the rest of the weekend was cleared for self-reflections, memories, thoughts and discovering passions that were long since forgotten about – that were buried deep into the muck of my everyday preoccupations.

By choice for the first time in my life I felt truly alone and completely with myself.  For a short while I was invisible – seeing yet not being seen.

Below is a beautiful Poem that was read out loud by the spiritual advisor during our last session.  I hope it touches your soul as much as it did mine.    

You start dying slowly

If you do not travel,
If you do not read,
If you do not listen to the sounds of life,
If you do not appreciate yourself.

You start dying slowly
When you kill your self-esteem;
When you do not let others help you.

You start dying slowly
If you become a slave of your habits,
Walking everyday on the same paths…
If you do not change your routine,
If you do not wear different colors
Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.

You start dying slowly
If you avoid to feel passion
And their turbulent emotions;
Those which make your eyes glisten
And your heart beat faster.

You start dying slowly
If you do not change your life when you are not satisfied with your job,
Or with your love,
If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain,
If you do not go after a dream,
If you do not allow yourself,
At least once in your lifetime,
To run away from sensible advice.  Author – Martha Medeiros

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands.  You need to be able to throw something back.  ~Maya Angelou

A few months ago a woman in my community rang in her 90th birthday by leaping out of an airplane.  Three generations of her family also took the plunge with her that day.  It was her intention to do two things to celebrate her birthday.  To create a memory that her family will never forget and to also raise awareness for a cause that she is passionate about.  In the weeks leading up to the big day, Olive raised $2,500.00 for the Heart and Stroke Foundation.

After hearing the story about this amazing and fearless woman I thought to myself “What can I do to make a difference?”  Sure, I give money and food to causes that are close to my heart but Olive’s leap for a cause forced me to face the truth about something.  “I give of my money but I’m not physically involved with any causes or special groups”. 

This stranger’s courage and commitment to a cause inspired me to take action.

Its time to get physical…

Every day over the last three years, I drive by a nursing/retirement home and it never fails, I say to myself “I should see about volunteering there”.  No sooner do I pass by the building my thoughts quickly take me somewhere else and I soon forget about my good intentions.

Shortly after being inspired by Olive’s story, I finally took action and am now volunteering a few hours a week at the same facility that I passed by every day.  I offer to do a variety of things – I read for some residences, take them to doctor appointments and help out on game/music nights. 

I hope that one day I will be half as brave as Olive and find the courage to leap out of a plane just because or for a cause.  But for now I took the first step and made a small jump by getting out of my routine and comfort zone to be present in volunteering my time to help make a difference in my community.  It is bringing me more rewards than I could have possibly imagined.

Recently a young man turned up at my non-profit, “What do you want?” presentation carrying with him an unassuming confidence that’s rare to see in those who struggle in life.  After the show was over, a few of us sat around discussing Life and our dreams.

Not letting shyness stand in his way, Chris jumps to his feet and rolls out a few songs (poetry/hip hop) without skipping a beat.  Raps of poetry pour out from his soul – his songs are full of hopes, dreams and faith.  Also touching on the darker side of life that most of us will never fully understand – attacking social injustice, social inequality, poverty (especially women and children), violence against women, living on the streets, drugs, incarceration.  His songs paint a vivid picture of his life experiences and the state of the world.

As he was sharing his powerful messages with us – flashes of Tupac Shakur kept running through my mind.  He was a prolific poet/hiphop artist, who raised awareness for social and political changes through his music.

Quiting is not an option

Most people in Chris’s position would have given up long ago but he says he knows that God has a plan for him and that he’s destined for greatness. He shares with me that his road in life is paved with many mistakes – fueling him with wisdom, inner strength and perseverance to keep pressing on.

Chris knows the only way to gain ground, to move forward, to march on, and to turn his goals into reality is to learn from his setbacks and failures. He will never give up until he reaches his dream of one day making a difference through his music.

Within minutes of letting him know that I was going to share his story with my readers, he handed me a piece of paper with these words:

Listen closely
As these hopes stream from my pen
The road to success
Starts with just one step

Seek deep inside
Scream for your dreams to come alive
Every man woman and child
Has a weakness they try to hide

Those weaknesses become strengths
With an optimistic mind
Every day is a gift
Its time we Open our eyes

                                                                                                                        John Christopher Sangster

Take your dream out, dust it off and take action!

There’s always that one person who gets in the way of you and your dreams.  This person means well and thinks they’re protecting you from getting hurt or even worse, fail.  That person is YOU!

You are your own worst enemy when it comes to making your dreams come true. You procrastinate when You should be working hard.  You give up when you hit your first hurdle.  You make excuses and show resentment when things aren’t working out the way You expect them to.

Making your dreams come true is entirely up to you…you just have to get out of your own way.

Keep following your dreams, believe in yourself.  Every day ask yourself the question, “What can I do today that will get me closer to my dream?”

Looking forward to Monday morning is something that seems impossible for many of us. When we don’t want the weekend to end it’s easy to dread going back to work on Monday morning. If you are like most people, you probably go through life saying “Thank God it’s Friday” and then a few days later, like clock work, you find yourself saying “Good grief, I hate Mondays!” While we can’t change the fact that we have to go back to work, there are things that can be done to ease this pain.

Learning to love Monday mornings is a process of training yourself to look at things a little differently. Changing this thought process will take some time, but making the effort can really improve your productivity.  Accept the fact that Monday may never be your favourite day of the week, but also embrace the idea that it does come with a number of benefits. 

Begin by enjoying your weekend.  There is nothing worse than having to start a new week feeling like you didn’t do anything you wanted to do over the weekend. Regardless of what your job is, learn to take time on the weekend just for you.

Don’t Spend Your Weekend Thinking of Monday.  Half the problem of Monday is in the anxiety and worries we have over the weekend.  Enjoy your weekend and leave Monday for Monday.

Get An Early start – It may seem like a punishment to wake up earlier on Monday but when you have enough time to organize yourself, you’ll feel like you can conquer the day easier. If you can rise and shine as early as possible, you would be able to get yourself prepared for the day, not only in terms of preparation of clothes and working materials, but also, mentally and spiritually.

Get happy – If you start the week off right, your attitude will be better, and you may help others along the way.  Instead of greeting people with comments like, “Of course this happened, it’s Monday,” or, “Don’t you hate Mondays?” say, “Good Monday!” with a smile. What you say sets the mood for your co-workers.

Be Prepared – it is useful to plan on Sunday night anything that needs to be ready on Monday morning. Don’t let this take over your weekend, simply make sure that a few things are ready. This might mean having your clothes washed and out, having food ready to make your lunch, or having your to-do-list ready. You don’t have to get everything done,  just know what needs doing so you aren’t rushed when you wake up.

Wear your best – Its no secret that when you look good you feel good so make Mondays your look-my-best day and make it a point of wearing the clothes you like most.  You’d be surprise how much your clothes could affect the way you feel about yourself.

Start working – The thing about work is, it’s usually not the work that makes us tired, it’s the thought of starting work that makes us procrastinate and go into a cycle of unproductively. Quit thinking about starting work and just work instead!

Plan something special Monday nights – meet a friend for dinner, rent a movie or pursue a hobby Monday evenings.  The day will be easier when you have something to look forward to. So keep a list of opportunities to make your day shine taped to the inside of the mirror on your medicine cabinet. Look at the list and set some goals. If you plan ahead, blue might become your favorite color and Monday can be the best day of the week.

Now that you have some ideas to chase your blues – have a very happy Monday and remember the weekend is just four more days away!

I try my best to be a positive person.  I’ve been making a conscious effort since I was in my 20’s.  I guess my wake up call was when I was out socializing with a group of friends and I felt the need to talk negatively about a co-worker.  As I was spewing what I thought was an important message, one of my friends looked at me and said, “Do you ever have anything nice to say about anyone?”  I was dumbfounded and stunned by her directness.  Needless to say I was embarrassed.  Lets just say the rest of the evening was bust.  I couldn’t shake what she said.  I thought, “If a friend views me this way, then how am I being perceived by everyone else I come in contact with?”

Those few words hit me hard – as I knew it was time for an attitude adjustment.  In the early stages of my “I got a new attitude” journey, I’d take one step forward – spew some garbage – then take two steps back.  I remained diligent and committed to the quest of “the new me” and over time it became easier as the positive me overpowered the negative me.  I guess the saying “repetition is the mother skill” really does work.

I can’t stress enough about the importance of surrounding yourself with positive people.  Being around optimistic people will inspire and motivate you to make changes.  It will empower you to believe in yourself and set out to accomplish goals you never thought otherwise you could achieve.

Here are some tips that can help you on your journey to “I got a new attitude”:

Step 1: Admit that you are negative.  The first step to changing your attitude is to admit that you are negative and have negative thoughts. Whether talking about a coworker behind his/her back or believing you “can’t” do something; these contribute to a pessimistic lifestyle.

Step 2: Be Determined to be Positive.  Once you’ve admitted you are negative, or at least have some negative tendencies, you can resolve to changing the way you think. Become conscious of your daily thoughts and actions.  When a negative thought enters your mind – quickly turn it around.  Think and speak positively about people.  Eliminate the word “can’t” from your vocabulary and replace it with “can”.  Instead of “I don’t think I can do that,” think “I love a new challenge – I can do this no matter how hard it is.”

Step 3: Remove Yourself From Negative Influences.  Over time; your environment begins to reflect who you are.  Example: If you hang with people who are always griping about their job, how nothing every goes right for them or have a negative view about life and society - it is necessary to take steps to slowly weed out that group of people and seek out those who are positive influences. They are out there; and when you are consciously ready and open to postive changes – your new energy will automatically attract positive people. 

When you replace a negative environment with a positive one, you make huge strides in improving your lifestyle.  It also lifts your self-esteem and confidence.

Step 4: Spread Your New Attitude To Others.  Put your new positive thinking lifestyle into action. Practice spreading your “I got a new attitude” to others and it will grow.

When you are open to change and commit to a positive attitude, you will start to see it affect and shine through other aspects of your life.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you, too, can somehow become great.”
- Mark Twain

My Big Dream has hit a wall – months of hard work and personal sacrifices just seemed to have crumbled down around me.  My plans didn’t roll out the way I expected them to.  Feelings of discouragement and disappointment overwhelm me as I lay on the couch, mindlessly flicking through TV stations, as I stuff my face with a huge bag of Doritos and a tub of rocky road ice cream. I just want the world to go away so I could wallow in self-pity.

Sometimes success seems so close that I can reach out and touch it – making me question whether this could all be just an illusion? 

Right now I am at a crossroads and I feel like I’m at sea in the “eye of the storm”.  I can give up, go back to shore and bury all the hard work that got me to this point or I can risk everything and just go for it.

If I chose to sail through the storm, there’s the possibility I could crash and sink and lose everything.  But if I go in prepared and navigate properly, there’s a much better chance I could ride the squall and come out on the other side, sailing into calm waters as victory awaits me.

Its not always going to be smooth sailing…

I allowed myself a few days to grieve the setback but now its time to pick myself up, chart a new course and set sail again.  Like all great captains, I’m committed to reaching my destination, no matter how many storms I still have to face along the way.

Strength of mind will see you through…

No one escapes challenges when it comes to pursuing your dreams. It takes courage, perseverance and patience to weather the storms that cross your path.  When the waves get high and crash down on to your shoulders, hang in there – don’t give up! 

Give yourself permission to greive the setbacks and then continue on.  Every storm carries with it a lesson.  Learning to navagate through rough waters is part of your journey – it builds character, inner strength and wisdom. 

When the seas get rough and you find yourself drifting off course, don’t be afraid to call out for help.  The boats’ communication system can be your lifeline to staying afloat.  You will find all the right resources, support and motivation you need to help keep you  moving in the right direction.

Getting to your final distination will test you to the very core of your being.  No matter the storm’s fury – you must remain determined, show endurance and have faith.  Victory could very well be waiting for you on the other side of the next  big wave.

Stay true to your inner compass – it is the blueprint to your soul.

“I dream my painting and then I paint my dream” – Vincent Van Gogh

Don’t just dream with your eyes – see it with your feelings.  Our senses come alive when entering into a new world of inspiration. It can lead you in a direction of painting a picture that you never thought possible or even imagined.

Life is like a painting – it’s within your power to create your very own masterpiece.  Like all true artists, different things on different days will inspire you – go ahead and let yourself brush up against inspiration.

Cover your canvas in endless hues of possibilities – there are no limits to what you can create. Paint in every direction and feel and see the larger sense of life, letting your imagination take you wherever you want to go. Be in awe of what you bring to life – in what you see and what you feel.

Live by your own definition

Most of us spend our lives playing it safe, staying within the lines because uniqueness is not always rewarded but conformity is.  It’s easy to paint by number – following someone else’s dream but what fun would that be?  Don’t undervalue your abilities – there are natural talents waiting to be discovered.  It’s time to move forward in creating your own original masterpiece.

Be careful who you reveal your paintings to – critics are waiting to tell you that your colors are too bright – that you should water them down.  Telling you that your painting is worthless and may even want to stomp on it.  It doesn’t matter what others may think  – it’s your interpetation of what you see and feel.  So challenge the direction that others try to force you to paint in when you know it’s not the path you should be on.

When you stand back to look at what you are creating, what do you see?  What do you feel?  Is it any good you may ask? Look beyond the paint and open your mind because our dreams are like works of art – there are no wrong answers.  What makes it good or bad, only you decide.

I recently came across a survey in which seniors were asked: When you reflect back on your life, what is your biggest regret?  Surprisingly, the most common answer was “not taking risks – just going through life playing it safe”.

A  man lay on his bed at the end of his life waiting to die. His dream came to pay its last respects and bid farewell to the man who had never used it.

As it entered the room the man looked down in shame.
“Why did you not realize me?” the dream asked.
“Because I was afraid,” the man said.
“Afraid of what?” asked the dream.
“I was afraid I would fail.”
“But haven’t you failed by not attempting to use me?”
“Yes I have, but I always thought there would be tomorrow.”
“You fool!” said the dream, “Did it never occur to you that there was only ever today… the moment that you are in right now? Do you think that now that death is here you can put it off until tomorrow?”
“No.” said the man, a tear gently rolling down his cheek.
The dream was softer now, because it knew that there were two types of pain – the pain of discipline, and the pain of regret – and while discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs pounds.
Then the dream leaned forward to gently wipe away the tear and said, “You need only have taken the first step and I would have taken one to meet you, for the only thing that ever separated us was the belief in your mind that you couldn’t have me.”
Then they said goodbye and they both died.   – Author Unknown

“We get one shot at Life, with many opportunities but only a limited amount of time.  In the end, it won’t be about regretting what you did – it will be regretting what you didn’t do”.